it’s fucking with my emotions. it’s fucking with my sleep. it’s fucking with my eating habits.
it’s draining me. it made me cry so much. it’s causing me physical pain. it made me so much more insecure. it’s making me want to shut everyone out. I can’t even stand myself. I can’t stand that I can’t figure this out. I can’t stand that you won’t even talk to me. I can’t stand that I can’t do anything to fix what I’ve done. I can’t stand that you personalized this so much that you’d even do this to me. I can’t stand that after every fucking thing we’ve been through, every fucking thing I’ve done to try and make you happy, every fucking little thing, just everything…you don’t even respond to me while I’m basically pouring my heart out telling you how much this is hurting me. you still don’t even care enough to respond.
I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore.. all I know is that I miss you and you were such a great person to have in my life. I miss your smile and your friendship. this is really just destroying me. I’m ruined..
You don’t have to feel, you don’t have to think. Your heart stops breaking, your mind stops racing, your mouth stops moving and your eyes stop crying. You don’t have to move, or do anything. Your body makes your heart pump and your lungs breathe. But for a little while, you don’t exist. And that’s perfect when sometimes you wouldn’t like anything more than that.
this will be short. I don’t like doing this. talking about you. to you, it might have been nothing. but for me, it was so important. to have something, someone real? something that could distract me from the shit going on around me. someone who could make me truly smile and be happy. that has NEVER happened. ever. there has never been anyone who has been able to do that. you’re so special. even though you weren’t around for long, you made such an impact on my life. I have never been comfortable with myself, and you made me feel like I was pretty for once in my entire life. you made me smile every time you texted me, every time I saw you. I would get so nervous and think for so long what to say. you were too perfect for me, it was unreal. I’ve always said I wanted someone like you. you’re such a gentleman, cute and such a sweetheart. but now? we’re not even talking. I never even got a chance to explain myself…… what am I supposed to do?